Session Date :16th Dec, 2018,
Resource Person : Ms Hema Honwad
Session – Let us go ahead together
The session objective was :
Raising awareness of participants about the restlessness of
Enriching the participants mindfulness practice by giving them
Raising awareness of participants about the practice of
Raising awareness about the basic human needs
Making participants aware of choices and their logical
Reflecting on the appropriate ways of communication
Recognizing the reality that children are unique individuals and
they are separate from us.
The following is a summary of various discussions that took place during the session:
1. Restlessness of mind: The session started with this activity. Participants were handed out calming bottles and were asked to shake them and observe what is happening. The learning was that our thoughts are scattered like the particles in the calming bottle. The various noises, experiences that are existing all around us agitate our thoughts and they take some time to settle down.
2. Prayer: The objective of the prayer was to remind the ‘self’ of the principles of mindfulness. The following points from the prayer were discussions:
- There is ignorance within & around us
- Each one of us has an unique method of learning. Once we understand the method through which we learn, learning comes easily. All of us have to face many things while building our career and our family. It is very important to understand your own self in order to carry out our role in life well.
- Many times we don’t tell the truth because we don’t want to hurt the other person. But truthfulness is very important in a family, in relationships.
- Mindfulness is becoming aware; To know what we are doing. I must look at myself all the times and realize.
- When we say, “I am hurt,” it is really our ego that is getting hurt. It is important to realise this.
- It is very important to know your boundary. Each one of us has a specific boundary. Injustice starts when we encroach upon someone else’s boundary or when someone else encroaches upon ours.
- We have to keep away from cowards. In life there will be instances when people will try to stop us from pursuing the targets we have set for ourselves. These people are like cowards who lack the inner strength needed for taking action to make a change. It is better to keep away from such people and continue undeterred on the path we have chosen for ourselves.
3. Principles & tools of mindfulness: Participants were introduced to the following tools through discussion and experience sharing:
- Whatever I do, whatever is inside me will ultimately come out. Our brain is like ‘welcro’. Negative experiences stick to it & positive experiences disappear. But we can turn it around so that positive experiences will stick to it and negative ones disappear. (Daniel Siegal)
- Parenting is all about building relationships. Parenthood is a lifetime commitment & we never cease becoming a parent. We continue to play this role even after our children cross 50 years of age and we have to continue working on our relationship with them.
- As a parent have to be very conscious of how we react to situations, what language we use, how we resolve matters, etc. because our children are observing us and picking up our habits.
- They way we communicate has a profound impact on our children. Our ability to have sensitive reciprocal communication nurtures the child’s sense of security. Trusting & secure relationships help children to do well in all walks of life.
- There is no absolute ‘right’ and no absolute ‘wrong’. There are many situations which others are in which we ourselves have never experienced. Therefore, we cannot label others. We have to learn to be non – judgmental.
- Everyone follows a set of rules. We have to have a set of rules for own family. We can make the rules in discussion with our children.
4.Two basic needs of Human Beings: As human beings, we have two basic needs: (1) wanting to belong; (2) to be significant by contributing to the family / community.
5. Mistaken Goals: This part was activity based. Participants were divided into groups of 5 – 6. Two groups were given one topic to discuss. One group was asked to present an um-mindful practice related to the topic and the other, a mindful one through role play. Four topics were given: Misguided goals and undue attention; Misguided Power; Revenge; Assumed Inadequacy.
Learnings of parents
- Be kind, but firm
- Get kids involved in solutions
- Help kids explore the consequences of their action
- Allow suffering (consequences of their own behaviour)
- Follow through (shut your mouth and act with kindness & firmness)
- Take time for training
- Observe & wait. Children often solve their problems on their own.
- Encourage curiosity
- Mistakes are opportunities
- Let go
- Encourage children to express their feelings.
- Don’t rescue the child. Let the child be responsible. Parents have to step back so that the child takes responsibility.
- Children should sleep early so that they can get up early
- Involve children in household jobs
- Punishment makes kids pay for the past
- Focus on the feelings of the child & curiosity questions. By asking questions you are building the child’s awareness in the process. Don’t give advise.
- Take the opinion of children
- Focus on solutions instead of focusing on consequences.
- Take care of your tone.
- Acknowledge the child’s feelings in all situations
- Communicate with children
- Set targets together
- Identify your ‘trigger’. When you reach your ‘trigger’ point, take time out, calm down
- Don’t react instantaneously. Such reactions are driven by emotions. Reflect before reacting.
- Encourage your child at every opportunity
- Separate the ‘deed’ from the ‘doer’
- Have your child help you in a meaningful manner
The session was attended by 42 participants