Session Date :14th Oct, 2018,
Resource Person : Ms Reena Ginwala
Session -Power with Parenting
Many a times all relationships turn into power game, so is true with parenting too.
The objective of this workshop was to introduce parents to the possibilities of a Power with Parenting technique which is more favourable to raise sensitive n self-respecting adults.
The workshop made parents aware that healthy and respectful relationships is what helps families thrive. It emphasised that parenting is about self-regulating . The following concepts of non-violent communication were discussed during the workshop as techniques of self-regulation:
- Conducting a reality check and plotting where we are:
Conduct a reality check in every situation:
- Who is having more power?
- Who is having less power?
- Is there power sharing?
We all have a child, a parent and an adult within us. When we react to any situation, it is necessary to be alert and check which part of us is in the forefront. The best situation is the one in which the wholesome adult within us, is in charge. But for this to happen, we have to first parent the child within us.
Following this, parents were guided to realise that:
Having more power gives rise to aggression and blaming. Having less power results in feeling guilty and depressed. But sharing power leads understanding and empathy.
Cards having a word written on them were distributed to the participants. Participants were asked to sit in pairs and discuss the word written on the card. This was followed by a round of sharing on “How it was to listen? How it was to speak?”
- Open Dialogue / Being ready to receive
Many times, our experience is not enough and we need help. A village is needed to grow a child. So it is important to seek help. It is also important to be non-judgemental, compassionate, honest and full of empathy. If we start projecting ourselves as living a perfect life, sharing will not happen. Not wanting to be looked down upon for sharing our problems, we will end up shutting ourselves in a box.
- Non-Violent Communication & Compassion
Compassion, non-violent communication is natural to us, especially when there is no violence in the heart. We all have the same needs. The following stops us from being compassionate:
- Acquired behaviour or conditioning
- Fear of people’s opinion, failure, being alone
- Scarcity mentality
- Anxiety about survival
But if we choose to thrive, we have to overcome our fears and develop a culture of mindfulness and inquiry. We have to look for “what is” or seek the reality. Observing “what is” is the most important ability of our mind.
In many situations, there is a need to remedy the communication that has been painful and unsuccessful. Observation of “what is”, expressing feelings & needs, making requests are parts of ‘life enriching language’. Judgement, evaluation, strategies, demands are parts of ‘life alienating language’.
Empathy is feeling with people & making a connection. Empathy with our self is of utmost importance and it is not selfish to empathize with our own selves. Participants were introduced to 10 words which are non empathetic and 10 which were empathetic. They were divided into groups of five and asked to take one non-empathetic word and discuss/ explore ‘ why is this not empathy’.
Some feedback from parents
- Parenting is personal and we all have an intuitive & unique way of parenting. But there is a lot of debris accumulated over it which needs to be cleared.
- There are no problem children. There are only problem parents and problem teachers. Parents need to accept their children as they are.
- Parenting is about giving, about contributing to life. It is a partnership that involves listening with love, intention, empathy, understanding and support.
Total no of participants was 30.