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08 March 2019

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Santulan: Parenting, the Balancing Act

Santulan: Parenting, the Balancing Act

Session Date : 2nd& 3rd February 2019

Resource Person : Hema Honwad

Session – Santulan: Parenting, the Balancing Act

The session objective was :

  • To provide parents with tips for balancing between their long term & short term goals.

The following is a summary of various discussions that took place during the session:

  1. The session was divided into 3 parts: (i) Settling down & reflecting on application of the learnings of the previous session by parents; (ii) Presentation by the resource person & discussion on ‘Santulan’ and examination stress (iii) Circle time and sharing by parents.The following is a summary of various discussions that took place during the session:
    1. Reflecting on application of the learnings of the previous session by parents: The previous session had been facilitated by Nithya Shanti. Parents from Ketkar Road & Ecole Heritage shared the following:

    “I have started using the term, “how wonderful” when an adverse situation arises.”

    “I practice ‘Mayurma’ for the road when I leave the house.”

    “I started putting my work aside and being more attentive to my child. My child too has started responding to me in the same way.”

    “When I reach home, I make it a point to put my phone in the other room or on silent.”

    Following this, the MPP team gave a presentation on benefits of meditation.

    1. Presentation by the resource person & discussion on ‘Santulan’ and examination stress

    Santulan – means ‘to balance’ in Marathi and Hindi

    Roles: We are playing multiple roles in our daily lives – wife, mother, daughter in law / son in law, parents, son / daughter, etc. Every role has its own demands. Many a times we are unable to do justice to them, which puts us under pressure. Where does this pressure come from? It comes from expectations.

    The key to feeling satisfied with ourselves is ‘balancing &prioritizing’. To be able to prioritize, we have to ACT:

    • Acknowledge / Appreciate: This means acknowledging / appreciating the feelings, contribution, perspective, action of the other person.
    • Communicate: This involves explaining your perspective, position, circumstances, limitations, actions, etc. to the other person. Good communication involves:
    • Don’t react – but respond (a good practice is to deep breathe before you start to communicate).
    • Make sure your tone reflects ‘I care’ (express your feelings).
    • Avoid judgmental words such as ‘fault’
    • Keep a Target: Identifying the priority & setting a target for yourself or for the family and working towards it.

    Goals: There are two kinds of goals: Long Term & Short term.

    Short term goals are the small steps that we take towards the long term goals or the ‘thriving goals’. Preparation for achieving long term goals starts from time the child is born & is a long term commitment. It is important to balance between the long term & short term goals. Exams are short term goals. Wisdom is the long term goal. Both education & wisdom have to go together.

    The following are the ‘thriving goals’ that parents have set for their children or what they want to see in their children when they grow up:

    • Accepting imperfections.
    • Learning from mistakes.
    • Finding solutions on their own.
    • Gain Wisdom.
    • Be Adaptable.
    • Be happy, be polite, and take responsibility for one’s actions.
    • Able to build lasting friendships &be non – judgmental.
    • Be Mentally & Physically fit.
    • Be Kind & Sensitive.
    • Love one’s own self.
    • Be Organized.
    • Be Resilient.
    • Accept failures.
    • Understand the purpose of life.
    • Protect one’s own self.
    • Be Realistic.
    • Be Compassionate.
    • Contribute to the society.
    • Respect relationships.
    • Observe & express.
    • Be Humble.
    • Be Able to recognize good from bad.
    • Be Content & spread happiness among others.
      1. Circle Time & Sharing of Parents

      This activity was conducted by the MPP team. At the end of the sessions on 2nd& 3rd February, participants were divided into groups of 5 to 6 people and asked to discuss the handout about tips to relieve exam stress and also share in the group any successes and challenges that they may have faced. The objective behind this activity was to create a ‘Safe Place’ for parents to discuss the problems they are facing or experiences.

      The following are some of the experiences shared by parents:

      • “I never ask my daughter after exams about how much marks she will get. I ask her, “how was the experience of giving the exam?”
      • I told my daughter that,“exams are to review performance of teachers”. She performed well in the subjects of her favorite teachers.
      • “I took my son to see how cyclists prepared for a race & told him that preparing for exams is similar to that.”


Learnings of parents

  • Create an atmosphere at home that reduces stress.
  • In any situation, the aim is to empower the child. Believe in your child. Believe that you and your child are perfect for each other & are meant to be together.
  • Have a Safe Corner in your house where one can retire to, when frustrated.
  • Be kind but Firm.
  • ACT (acknowledge / appreciate, communicate, keep a target)
  • Believe in your child.

Follow the 4 R’s – Read, Recall, Repeat, and Regularity

Total  112  participants (75 at Ketkar Road & 37 at Ecole heritage)

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