MPP Core Team

23 August 2019

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Learning Together

Learning Together

Name of Activity: Learning Together

Date and Venue of Event:

  • 3rd August: Dr. Kalmadi Shamarao High School, Primary Section, Ketkar Road,
  • 4th August: Dr. Kalmadi Shamarao High School, Baner

Kind of Activity: Indoor activity

Resource Person: Mr. Kiran Gulrajani, Co-evolve

Objective of Session:

  • To increase understanding of parents about learning with their child
  • To find out ways to be friends with your offspring.
  • To bridge the communication gap within parents and their progenies
  • To develop more confidence in oneself and promote self-respect and love.
  • To encourage healthy, conducive and caring atmosphere at home.

 Activity Design: 

Experiential focusing on-

  • Discussion
  • Activities for participants

No of Participants 64

Session Description

The reflection circle, introducing the resource person, note of thanks and feedback circles were all conducted by the parents.

I. Reflection Circle

The session that took place in July introduced parents to different parenting styles. The feedback of parents during the reflection circle was that, “We thought we were not autocratic. But after the session on ‘Teen Parenting – a loving enigma’, we realized that we are in fact autocratic and it’s a long journey and we are still learning.”

II. Presentation by the resource person

Discussions were held on the following:

How can our interactions be powerful? What key skills are needed for building a relationship?

A relationship can be developed only if there is interaction. The following are the pre-requites for interaction to happen:

  • Listening
  • Speaking from the heart
  • Accepting each other
  • Speaking to each other
  • Tone of voice (Research has shown that 90% of our communication is non-verbal)
  • Questioning
  • Giving Space for thinking
  • Appreciation

Appreciation

Participants were asked to sit with a person they knew from the group and appreciate each other. The feedback received from parents was:

“It was easy to appreciate someone”

“A positive energy was created.”

Parents were asked whether it was possible to appreciate negative behaviour. It was discussed that all behaviour had a positive intension. For example, the behaviour of ‘jealousy’ symbolizes aspiration to reach higher goals or wanting to reach the height someone else has achieved. So in this sense, it is possible to appreciate negative behaviour.

What are the qualities in our children that are endearing?

Forgiveness, love, authenticity, living, in the presence, curiosity, enthusiasm are parts of our true nature, which get suppressed. This suppression of our true nature gives birth to feelings. Suppression happens when we are violent to our children and to ourselves. We give the following messages to our children:

  • Don’t feel
  • Don’t cry
  • Don’t feel happy
  • Don’t get angry, etc.

As a result, the child starts wearing a mask. It either becomes submissive or aggressive. Sometimes, the behaviour appears as healthy, but there is suppression.

Process of learning together

There are 5 steps involved:

  • Deep dive into an unknown territory
  • Fresh revelation
  • Learning together
  • Get out of the issue in discussion and get a helicopter view. You will see what is within you, in your child. Then you can work together to address it.
  • Taking action to improve the situation

The resource person demonstrated the 5 steps through his interactions with a volunteer from the parents. At the end, parents were asked, “What did you find of value in the process that was presented?”. Parents listed the following:

  • Asking the right questions
  • Empathy
  • Gentleness
  • Giving your listener space
  • Knowing when to have eye contact and when to avoid it
  • Patience, listening, mirroring, relating.

Outcome and Learning

The following Messages were passed on to Parents

  • Be open to change
  • True teacher and a good parent is able to invoke knowledge in children
  • We have to give up the old way of parenting and develop a sense of humility which makes us acknowledge the fact that we don’t have all the answers. It is important to guide the children. But many times, children are more wise and guide us.
  • A relationship can be developed only if there is interaction.
  • We have to learn to wonder like children
  • Silence is very important
  • Appreciation is noticing the good things. Learn to appreciate your child. It is a game changer. The thumb rule is 2 appreciations for every criticism.
  • Behaviour is superficial – the outer covering. It is the heart which is real
  • Our children are the expression of our beauty and our wounds
  • The most important thing you can do with your child is to be honest with yourself
  • If you want to be available for your children, learn to rest.
  • Slow down to be in the present moment and you will realise the speed of life. We are all living at the speed of fear.
  • Learn to meet the pain. It is a core part of learning. If we are able to understand how we lost our happiness, we will be able to reclaim it.
  • It is important to ask, why is my communication not reaching? For communication to reach, it is important to stop preaching.
  • For communication to be effective, it is important to bring silence in our conversations. For this to be possible, we have to stop rushing.
  • Pauses are very important because they give us a fresh perspective
  • Old way of parenting was to suppress, deny, avoid, escape feeling. The new way is to welcome, allow and feel with feeling.
  • The most important thing is to learn to deal with our feelings.

 

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